A CALL TO ARMS & LEGGING IT (a stump speech.."The Greatest Prize")
O my brothers and sisters, I speak on your behalf, behalf of me does, behalf of me truth-teller, the other half absolute fabulist, I shall take the full measure of life and rule over it as a ladder rules over its’ steps, one step at a time, first step : I shall speak in the lingo of bunny-rabbits refusing to put on hares, crudely and heartily, I shall trample fools with profound pleasantries, philosophers with bare minimums, lilacs and fractious chrysanthemums shall adorn me with humbugs and bedbugs and jitterbugs, I will be nourished on the innocence of nappies, and who would be my enemy on this point!!???
If I sing I will sing from the throat, if I dance I shall dance from the throat, if I fornicate I shall weave gladiolis about my testicles and dream of overweight ostriches, and who would deny me on this point!!??
I shall teach myself to love myself to pieces and forgiveness be forever damned, for life is a dead weight, death is a living waiter, I shall wait for no man and no woman shall grow overweight for me, O my brothers and sisters, even as I sweat oysters fat persons shall shed pearls of wisdom like un-yeasted puddings, dwarves shall rule the world and tadpoles shall rule the dwarves and love will make frogs of us all! Verily I say be satisfied with your buttocks, cast no stone asunder and you will abide in an ocean of spittle, parasites will call you to account for lacking taste and brick shit-houses will fall only on deaf ears..
O my brothers and sisters this shall ye know and only this, that yes is not an answer no more than why is not not a question, two not-knots do not a definitive make, only one definitive defines the truth, and only the truth can lie with conviction, estranged bedfellows make even worse companions and every ladder must reach its’ own peak, by definition conclusions have no beginnings to look forward to, so we must act accordingly and promenade our privates in public even as we privately abandon all the cul-de-sacs of puberty, sodomy and usury, the greatest prize is to be able to borrow from oneself but never be overwhelmed or indebted by it! Even the poorest poets can piss tears of joy, in a perfect arc far far up and away above the heads of giants and frogs, we need to be more than rabbits as rabbits need to be more than men, O my brothers and sisters we must stand firm even as we list to the right or left and if we must crusade we must be sure to take a packed-lunch with a little extra should anybody fall by the wayside, we must be childless or we must be wise and avoid the draft from another’s backside even as we lift our little fingers to test which way their wind is blowing, the greatest prize is to be useful as well as entertaining, the sweetest greatness to be prized above the rewards of diabetics and exclusively hairless rabbits! We must smoke that match until the fire goes out, take comfort in saying very little and never never compromise our rudeness, the greatest challenge is to be specific without seeming to advertise anything..
If I know one thing I know one thing only, if I say it twice truly I will be complicit in at least one lie, and lies are an abomination to politics even as politics is an abomination to common-sense, common-sense is an abomination to superior thoughts, superior thoughts are an abomination to sodomy and usury which are an abomination to guilt and guilt is an abomination to peace of mind! Of course peace of mind is an abomination to frank intercourse as frank intercourse is an abomination to conclusive agreements which are an abomination to anyone with a guilty past, and this is the one thing I know, we must be united in our guilt and speak only of it in drunken asides to overweight tadpoles and abominable snowmen!
O my brothers and my sisters, the time is now, I speak for the future and as for my own guilty past I must confess it sometimes overwhelms me to the point of self-abomination for which the sole release must be offensiveness and uncompromising rudeness the penance for taking up arms against a sea of tranquility that will drowned us in civility and complacent deflation of the un-commonly abnormal! O my sisters and my brothers, we must resist falling foul to the perversities of injustice and the reversal of adversity, cause let’s face it all’s fair in the pleasures of whoring!!!!
I rest my case and I cede my platform, so let us pray, in the sacred words of our literary overlord the reverend Willy Shagspare : “Now is our summary discontent made glorious mock of by this motley farce, and all I sacred solemnly meant is wound up grinning on its’ ass!” Ah-men!! What shall we ever do about women growing old??????